Title is not a typo. I mean adoptor, as in adopt: to take up and make one’s own.
This fic is based on a dream I had about Boomhauer getting lost at sea. Unfortunately, as I wrote this, the part based on the dream got kinda smooshed. But I do like how this turned out, even if I do think it gets a little weak in places. I also think I put in too much Dale for a group-based episode. Curse my inability to not use him as much as properly possible! I don’t own the rights to Band-Aids. Enjoy the insanity!
The sun beat down onto Arlen, Texas unmercifully. Its searing rays attacked all that is surveyed, and those standing outside the Hill residence were no exception.
Hank Hill took a sip of cold, refreshing beer and looked up at the sky.
Yup, he commented, it sure is a scorcher today.
Scorcher? Dale Gribble repeated skeptically, Hank, this is not scorching. This is suffocating! My diaphragm spasms as we speak, though I am refusing to acknowledge it. He sipped his beer, then hiccupped.
Yeah, I been breathin kinda funny fer a while now. chipped in Bill Douterive, Didnt want to say nothin in case it were just me though.
Boomhauer merely nodded and wiped his brow with his beer can.
Oh, come on guys, its not that bad out. Hank insisted, then asked incredulously, Bobby, what in the heckre you doin?
Hanks son, Bobby, has just crawled flat on his stomach around the edge of the fence surrounding the Hills yard. He halted at his dads ankles and flopped onto his side.
Its too hot to stand up. Bobby groaned, Dad, we gotta go to the beach..
What? Hank started, No we dont. Just go play with the hose or something.
Oh, come on Hank, enco ouraged Bill, the beach sounds like fun! Its got all that cold water..and, um..did I mention the cold water?
Ooo, and just think of all that stuff buried under the sand. added Dale, Its a treasure trove just awaiting my discovery!
Dang ol man talkin bout them there, hot chicks man an uh, yeah man. Boomhauer mumbled in support.
Hank looked at the four pleading faces staring in his direction and heaved a great sigh.
Alright, fine. he caved in, Everyone get what yer bringin an meet back here. Ill go tell Peggy.
Um, Dad? Bobby informed, Moms already in the car.
… … … … … … … … … … … … …
The small cluster of cars pulled into the small beach lot and parked.
Whyre we comin to the beach, anyway? Hank asked, getting out of Peggys car, The water parks a lot closer, we coulda just gone there.
Well thats what everyone wouldve thought. Peggy told him, also getting out of the car, And we all know how much fun a crowded theme park is on a hot day. None. You always say I should plan ahead more so zip your yap and have fun.
Hank was about to respond, but a series of klunks and bumps suddenly emanated from the Bugabego next to them. Everyone gathered around the van curiously. The noises settled down, but then the back doors burst open with a loud bang as they were kicked open, causing everyone to jump.
Dale jumped out of the van, covered in several strange looking gadgets. On his back was a very large, rectangular black pack covered in fancy dials and lights. In his hand, connected to the pack, was what looked like a very souped-up metal detector. He wore his orange jumpsuit and a smile.
So, is everyone ready for some fun at the beach? he enthused, Huh, huh?
He met with several stares.
Dale, what in Gods name is all that junk? Hank gaped.
Yeah man look like-look like one-a them mm Ghostbusters man mm talkin-talkin bout. mumbled Boomhauer.
What, this? Dale questioned, raising the detector, Its just my beach scouring equipment. Ive got my detector here for anything metallic, radioactive, living, or unusually viscous. And Ive got my read-out printer slash activity monitor. You know, for traces of extraterrestrial and/or supernatural activity..just your standard equipment, really. Why, what did you bring?
Ugh, normal beach stuff. Scoffed Hank, then he sighed to the others, Come on, lets go before we waste all day in the parking lot.
He walked off and the group followed, leaving Dale waving his arms after them.
Waaaiit! Dale called, What do you mean normal beach stuff? Whatre you supposed to do at beaches?
… … … … … … … … … … … … …
Peggy had been right; most people went to the water park, so the beach was almost empty. She and Hank set up an umbrella and some blankets. Peggy stretched out in the sun, but Hank crouched in the safety of the umbrellas shade.
When Peggy tried to pull him into the sun he groused, No. I never did understand sunbathing. The way to stay cool is to get out of the heat, not roast in it.
Peggy rolled her eyes and shrugged, then lay back down and watched Bill and Bobbys water fight in the shallows.
The two splashed back and forth for a bit, then Bill pulled back and unleashed a huge splash with both arms. When the water fell away, Bobby had gone!
Bobby? Whered ya go? Bill called, stupefied, then gasped, Oh no! Ive liquefied him!
Graaaah! shouted Bobby as he splashed up behind Bill. Bill screamed and fell over.
Sea monster! he yelled, then saw who it was and chuckled, Oh, I get it..you little scamp..! He sent a splash Bobbys way and the fight resumed.